Work it out

So this month marks my fifth anniversary as a full-time employee with my company. (Brandy, all that time we spent as temp/part-time employees in communications? Doesn’t count! I really think all those “opportunities,” stories, in the hall interviews, and that time you lead that whole group of people down a dead end aisle at the Ryman really should count for something!)

Anyway, on Wednesday, those of us celebrating such “milestone” anniversaries get treated to a luncheon “held in our honor,” as the invitation says. So today, I thought I’d list a few of the things I’ve learned in my five years here.

• When someone puts a sign on the coffee maker in the Juan Valdez room that read “out of order until further notice,” what that really means is “we’re never going to replace this or even move the piece of crap machine that doesn’t work anymore. We’re just going to put a sign on it and leave it until Jesus comes back.”

• All women’s bathrooms in the building are not created equal.

• Whatever number of vacation days you get, take them all. You need them.

• It’s good to feel appreciated and asked to take on various projects because someone somewhere thinks you’re good at what you do. But learn to say no, because sometimes you’ll end up copy editing something as your real job, freelance editing something, and helming a project that’s way over your head while the EIC is out on maternity leave. It will be a low point of your career and your patience.

• Listen to music. Sing along. It makes your office a popular place. (In my experience. I’m sure not all offices would appreciate the blaring of “Freebird” or my singing along to my iPod to music they can’t hear.)

• Sometimes the best way to actually get some work done is to come in early, close your door, and make everyone think you’re not here today. It’s actually a pretty sweet trick. And a little cowardly, but we won’t discuss that.

• Find a friend who has a window office if you do not. (I don’t.) Develop a relationship with them so that you can sit in their visitor’s chair on those afternoons when you need vitamin D or you know, want to watch the elephants from the circus parade down Broadway.

• Learn to laugh at your mistakes.

• Get out of the office for lunch a few times during the week. Once at least. Your mind needs a break.

• The TV show “The Office” is hilarious, but sometimes things will happen in your office that makes you think the writers are lurking around the corner either writing all this down for an upcoming episode or maybe you’re on an episode of “Punk’d.” It’s fun, sometimes, to decide who’s who among “The Office” cast of characters in your department. Especially during long boring meetings when your mind wanders.

• Always take paper and a pen to a meeting. You look intelligent, but it also gives you something to draw on when you get fidgety. Because we all know our attention spans never really made it past third grade.

• Your job, even if you love what you do, is never going to be perfect. Accept that. And if you hate your job, it’s probably not as bad as you think. Try to find at least one positive. Sometimes you have to hold on to that with your last bit of strength. And sometimes, you just need a new job.

• And finally, the copy machine does hate you. (PC load letter?)