What you don’t know. . .

I was checking my yahoo e-mail account and ran across an article called “11 Things Women Don’t Know About Men (plus one thing they probably do know, but won’t admit)” by Evan Marc Katz. The idea cracked me up, so I read it. I’ll even admit that I sent it to a couple girl friends of mine. I thought Mr. Katz’s thoughts needed a response, so here goes!

1. Katz: Getting angry at us for not reading your mind is like getting angry at yourself for not being able to fly. It’s not just futile, it’s physically impossible. Most of us, when we’re not totally incensed, understand this fact. We’re rational; we get it. You have to understand that our underlying desire is that you just for once really get us. That you know who we are down deep inside and understand. That’s all (I know, it’s a lot to ask.)

2. Katz: Yes, we do think Jessica Alba is hot. Sometimes we’re even dumb enough to admit it. We’d agree. That woman has abs of steel and is beautiful. She’s pretty much in perfect shape, which generally helps us to understand that we’re not. Most of the time we realize that you thinking she’s hot doesn’t mean you compare our bodies to hers. Other times, we don’t understand that at all. At these moments, don’t tell us we look “fine” as we are or suggest that we never gain any weight and all things will be OK. We’ll probably kill you.

3. Katz: Don’t ask us to understand your shoe fetish. Asking us to respect it is even sort of pushing it. Don’t ask me to understand your love of video games or those shoot-’em-up computer games then.

4. Katz: You do look good without makeup, just not as good as you look with it. Believe it or not, most of us don’t have the highest self-esteem. For me personally, wearing makeup helps me to feel better about myself. I’ve been so self-conscious about my skin since I started having problems with acne, I rarely go anywhere without it. I see myself in the mirror without makeup every day. I know and appreciate I look better with it. Don’t try to convince me otherwise. I’m not ever going to be super model beautiful; I can be happy with “cute” or “moderately pretty.”

5. Katz: Ever notice how we don’t fight with our male friends? That’s why we get so frustrated when we fight with you. We’re not always going to see eye to eye. It’s a fact. Deal with it.

6. Katz: You care what you’re wearing infinitely more than we do. In fact, if you’re naked when you open the front door, you won’t hear an argument from us. Clothing is a way of expressing ourselves. Sometimes it’s about getting noticed, feeling beautiful and confident, or being comfortable. Most of us are very insecure about our bodies and want to disguise the problem areas. We’re self-conscious, do you understand that yet?

7. Katz: You don’t like to get hit on in public, you don’t want to date online, and you don’t want to be set up on blind dates. Tell us if sending messagenger pigeons is an appropriate way of courting. Because if it is, we’re all over it. You don’t have to get snippy about it! I’m going to go out on a limb here and say what most girls I know are already thinking: guys aren’t asking any girl out these days. You all seem to be waiting for us to do it for you or explicitly say “I like you” or otherwise give you so much assurance that you won’t be shot down that you never get around to actually asking a girl on a date. Here’s a hint: most of us would go if you’d ask. Personally, you probably won’t find me doing online dating, but if a guy had happened to ask me out, I most likely wouldn’t say no. Girls want to feel like you thought we were worth it to make the effort to ask us out. Understand?

8. Katz: There should be a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us. I’ll give you that one, as long as women get the same option.

9. Katz: Cooking dinner for a man is like buying flowers for a woman, except it takes a lot more time, effort, and thought for you to do it. Thanks. We appreciate it. This is actually something my male coworkers tell me often. Fact: it’s not true. I’ve cooked for guys. I’ve served an entire Easter dinner to 18 people, guys included. Maybe if I’d been in a relationship with one of these said guys, things would be different. I’ve never had a guy seem the least bit more interested after I’ve spent hours planning and preparing the meal. Most of them don’t thank you or help clean up. Either one of those things would be appreciated.

10. Katz: We actually like your girly pet names for us, but please, not in front of the guys! Whatever!

11. Katz: Just because we llike looking at women in Maxim doesn’t mean we want to actually converse with the women in Maxim. Not for long anyway. Once again, whatever! As I’ve said before, we’re self-conscious. Most of us have much lower self-esteem and confidence than we try to project. The thing we’re most self-conscious and unsure about? Our bodies. Looking like those women in Maxim (besides the icky, gross poses) is an unattainable goal for most of us, if we want to eat every once in awhile and not exercise 24/7. When we think that’s what you’re into, we begin to wonder why we’re even trying to date you, because we can’t compare. How’s that for honesty?

12. Katz: Your nice guy friends are the most reliable sources for telling you if your new boyfriend’s a jerk. And he probably is (BTW, you might want to consider marrying that nice guy who’s giving you advice about the jerk. Most of my guy friends wouldn’t want to talk about relationship matters with me. Or if they do, it’s about the girl they’re “in love” with but won’t make to effort to ask out, which sometimes leaves me feeling underappreciated. I know that’s not always rational, but it’s the truth.