What we can’t see

A friend of mine called me “classy and poised” the other day. He said I seemed to have it together and knew how to handle myself.

It’s funny the things people notice about you that you really don’t see in yourself. I don’t think of myself as particularly poised; I’d probably describe myself more as bumbling, confusing, or socially awkward. Classy is something I want to be, and I do still believe in behaving like a lady, but I know how far from that I actually am.

So, it struck me as funny and interesting that my friend would point out something he saw in me that I so obviously don’t. And that happens all the time, it seems. We can get so inside ourselves and know our own foibles and flaws so well, that we can’t see the truth sometimes. I’m not saying that I think I’m classy or poised; self-assured or a lady of the highest degree. I’m just saying that sometimes, I’d rather sit around and dwell on my flaws and failures than recognize who I am and who I am becoming.

It’s easy to get mired in all the things that I perceive as being wrong with me. That my hair doesn’t look as good as hers. That I don’t possess a beauty that stops people in their tracks. That she’s a better writer, that I’m not kind enough, don’t know enough, or that I suddenly have breakouts on my face and I’m 31 years old. That I cry too much, have a temper, and worry about everything. It’s easy to make that list of flaws and let it become what you think about yourself and miss out on the reality of who you actually are.

So, listen to what your friends say about you. If they’re good friends, they speak truth into your life. Instead of dwelling on all the things you think are flaws and failures, pay attention to what your friends say about you. Honest. Loyal. Loving. Funny. Classy. Poised.

There’s truth in those good statements—just as there is truth in the flaws you so often notice in yourself.

The trick is learning to see yourself through the lens of both and recognizing who you really are.