What Not to Wear

Last weekend, some friends and I drove a few hours to go to an amusement park. (if you haven’t been to Holiday World, you should! It’s fun!)

But I also came to an important conclusion while at the amusement/water park: America commits many crimes against fashion. Yes, it was hot and most of us were going to do both the amusement park and the water park, but that’s no reason to commit numerous crimes of fashion. So, if you’re heading out to an amusement park/water park for one last summer hurrah, here are some rules you should follow:

Bikinis are not for everyone. Yes, I’m aware that few department stores sell anything but two piece swimsuits, but they’re not for everyone. Yes, we’ve all seen that middle aged woman still hanging on to a two piece swimming suit. But there are also teen girls and young women who wear bikinis, and it’s just wrong for their body type. I’m not talking about being overweight, but just someone who would look better in a one piece or tankini.

Ladies, just buy one size bigger! After seeing numerous women and girls wearing slightly too tight shorts that hit them in strange places and gave them massive muffin tops, I began to want to call an amusement park wide meeting to share the news that three’s no shame in buying one size up if it actually makes you look better. Plus, ladies women’s sizing is all over the place, so you may wear a 6 in some brands and a 10 in others. I know. I speak from experience.

Less is not more. There’s a lot to be said for modesty, ladies. I’ve never worn a bikini in public, mostly because A)it would look terrible and B) I would feel extremely uncomfortable the entire time. Women, showing a ton of skin isn’t cute or sexy. Get a suit that covers you up more. You’ll feel more comfortabltually look better. For real. Also, men: shirts aren’t a bad idea in the water park. I’m just saying.

Don’t let trends become trashy. I noticed that many young girls and women were wearing tank tops with lace panels over the entire back. I saw them wearing this style one of two ways: with a colorful , contrasting tank top underneath or simply with a bikini top. You know which one looked better? The tank top. Bikini tops as shirts just look trashy. Be classy, ladies! Be classy!

And finally: wear sunscreen. At this particular park it was even free. Just do yourself a favor and put some on. That slight redness will turn into a painful burn and peeling later, not a tan. And to you, fair-haired girl with freckles: you’re probably NOT going to tan. Accept it now. Sunscreen isn’t a bad thing. You’ll think me later when your skin is still supple, less wrinkled, and doesn’t look like leather. Plus, there’s always that whole not getting skin cancer thing. . .

Ok, folks. Summer is almost over. Let’s make good fashion choices!