Trust issues

I wanted to write something funny. Something witty. Something that made you laugh out loud  and think I was cute and geniune and funny.

I don’t have any of those things to write today, though, because I’m not any of those  things today. Today I feel heavy, tired, down. I’m at a spiritual low point and I simply don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been worrying something to death, wondering if I’ve done enough, been enough, believed enough.  In the end, it all boils down to trust issues. Do I trust Him enough to finish what He started, to do what He said? Do I trust Him enough to let Him have control of the things I’m continually handing over and taking back? I want to feel the way I did on that night I made the good confession. Weightless. The burden gone. Confident. Because I knew in that moment that I believed He was the Christ. That I wanted to be His, known as His, and walk in His ways. I understood that Jesus was issuing me a personal invitation to follow Him. I trusted that He could do what He said. And I knew with every cell in my  body that this was right and good. A turning point. An important moment.

But today I sit in near tears praying for faith to trust Him more.

Rest in God alone, my soul, for my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I will not be shaken. My salvation and glory depend on God; my strong rock, my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is our refuge. —Psalm 62:5-8