“Today I woke up early; today I woke up sad”

That’s one of the lines in an old Bebo Norman song, and quite frankly, today it describes me.

The thing is, I don’t know why.

My brother called to tell me my nephew’s due date is being moved up to October 28. Which is great, but really threw my plans for a loop. Then, I felt terrible for mourning what I’d planned to do. Right now, everything’s up in the air and I don’t know what I’m going to do.

A friend and I are trying to plan a reception/shower for a friend and finding a date has become harder than uncovering classified information. We’re trying for October. And now, Eli is coming sooner, making October more iffy for me. I had planned to stay in Nashville the weekend following my birthday, because, frankly, I wanted to get absolutely everyone I know together and celebrate my birthday. But I’m not even sure that’s going to pan out.

I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself for a lot of reasons today. And I don’t want to be this sad, depressing person who can only think about herself. It’s not all about me. I know that, but right now, part of me really wants it to be all about me. In all honesty, today I don’t feel very loved, appreciated, or worthy. That doesn’t mean that people don’t love or appreciate me; it just means that I’m too caught up in me to feel them. I feel alone in a crowd.

So my prayer today is simple: teach me to serve, Lord.