To whom it may concern: the umpteenth edition

Dear Lady Jane Gray of Jetta (my car): For the most part, you’ve been a great car. I love you. (And I’ll love you even more next month when I make my last payment, but, shh, you don’t know that. Because I fear you’ll get so excited that you’ll break your engine or something else major and costly.) Anyway, we’ve got a good relationship. You’ve proved yourself to be dependable. Except for that time your battery died. Or that time you let your doors get frozen shut. Yes, I apologize for all those days I left you parked on the roof parking lot at work and let your inside temp rise to lava boiling hot, but you have to understand the convenience of this parking lot to me. But we have to talk about yesterday. I know I left you out in the hot sun and your inner temp just kept rising. But then it rained and cooled off outside. Instead of handling this like all the other (normal) cars, you decided to steam up. A lot. It looked like, well, an extreme make-out session had taken place while I was stuck in my office, working. I don’t know if you have an air leak or what, but it’s embarrassing to drive to the dentist in a car that’s so steamed up. And if my car looks like a make-out session recently happened in it. . . I’d prefer to be one of the people partaking of said session. No more fogged up windows, please, Mandy

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Dear Lightning 100, As pointed out in previous letters, I love your station. But this idea you had to do all acoustic all day long is wonderful. I love the in-studio performances from the archives and all acoustic versions of songs we usually hear as non-acoustic. It’s fun. It makes me happy. I’m a sucker for a guy with a guitar. Keep up the good work! Mandy

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Dear coworker: I don’t know you very well, just enough to say hi when our paths cross in the hallway. But since your department got moved to the same floor as mine. . . your shuffling feet have almost driven me to insanity. I understand that some days, lifting your feet is a major undertaking. But all day, every day you shuffle down the hallway, dragging your feet and making so much noise. And this time of year, you were flippy-floppy shoes that make MORE sound. And you walk past my office like 400 times a day. That’s why I always look up when you come by; you DISTURB me. I’d give my right arm for you to just pick up your feet ONE day this week. One day.

Maybe you could march. That would insure that your feet came off the ground.

Mandy

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Dear WordPress, Oh how I love you! I love that you give me stats on my blog hits and make that little graph to show me the traffic. I love that I can find out what my top posts were for the past week, month, quarter, year, and all time. I am ecstatic (and I admit, a bit nerdy) about finding out what pages are referring the most people to my blog. I’m even considering writing a post and giving “awards” for those who’ve sent me the most visitors in the all time category. (Scott, FYI, you’re in the lead.) (And I say “awards” because these would most likely not amount to any real item and/or amount of money. Maybe I could make you a certificate.) Anyway, WordPress, I think you’re great. I be loving you forever, Mandy

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Dave Barnes, Dave Barnes, Dave Barnes. You never fail to surprise. I just heard you are doing a comedy “extravaganza” at the Belcourt tonight. You’re an amazing singer/songwriter and I love your music. But the comedy videos of you on YouTube sometimes make me snort they’re so funny. So this comedy thing is genius. Genius! I wish I had tickets! yes, I’m aware I have the sense of humor of an eighth grade boy, but I think you’re HILARIOUS, Mandy

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This one’s just a memo of sorts: Charles Kelley of Lady Antebellum: I just saw your recent album cover. Step away from the guyliner. A little is OK. Even somewhat sexy. But I think you got carried away. So give it a rest. Because if you do, love certainly won’t live here anymore. You’re beautiful without it anyway. And say hi to your bro, Josh, for me. I love him, too.

* As a side note, check out my info page. I’m testing out a new photo. 🙂