To whom it may concern (the angry edition)

Dear coworkers from various other departments who need something from me: For the record, I have not forgotten you. It’s just that while what you’re doing is very important to me, there have been other pressing issues. Like the first issue of the ec redesign, which is set to go to Digital Imaging today. I haven’t really had a chance to breath since, oh, April. And our designer has been working on this non-stop. And it really is beginning to feel like I’m giving birth to something this process has taken so long. So take a deep breath. Back off. Know that you are important, but your piece of the puzzle isn’t the most important thing to me right now. I hope that doesn’t hurt your feelings. Really, really tired and overloaded (and really really good-looking), Countess Mandy, the editor

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Dear woman driver in the ugly white car: I understand that to you, wherever it is you’re going (work, presumedly) is the most important destination on all the planet. But barreling down your lane, WHICH IS THE EXIT LANE!, at breakneck speeds and refusing to let people over when there is room is really uncalled for. So people like me have to speed up to your speed to get into the lane so I can exit onto Broadway, you know, without flipping my car. Then, because I’m going so fast and the car in front of me slams on the brakes, I have to, too. Which makes you honk at me. HONK at me. OK, I don’t take too well to being honked at. Especially when the situation is pretty much your fault because you think you are the most important person on the road. For the record, your stupidity made my blood pressure jump significantly. I don’t like you. I think you’re self-centered and a bad driver. And your refusal to look at me as you passed me. . . yeah, further proved that you’re an idiot. I hope you get a ticket. Or at least taken down a few notches today at work. Praying for more patience and kindness, Mandy

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Dear neighbors across the way: I love dogs. Really, I do. I have one, even though some people consider poodles more like cats. Anyway, part of having a dog is walking them. Going outside with the dog and walking alongside him or her while he/she takes care of business. I do not understand how you are so busy or so lazy that you have to tie your dog to a long rope that’s tied to your fence and let it roam around in a sort of circumference from your townhouse. I really think Precious, which I heard you call her, would like to spend a little time with you walking around in the grass. Is that really too much to ask? Against tying dogs to fenceposts, your neighbor

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Dear Wildhorse Saloon: I heard your commercial for the Gin Blossoms concert on the radio this morning. And while I was surprised at how many Gin Blossoms songs I actually knew (and kind of enjoyed) as the commercial continued, I think you might want to remove the phrase “the concert you’ve been waiting for” as the hook in the ad. Because, really, while I enjoy the Gin Blossoms because they make me a little nostalgic for Top 40 and high school, I don’t really know what they’ve done lately. And it’s not really a concert I’ve been eagerly anticipating. Maybe someone out there is, but I don’t think the majority of Music City is big fans of the Gin Blossoms. Not a Gin Blossom hater, just confused Mandy

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Dear commercial makers: I understand you want to sell your products. I get it. But seriously, “Viva Viagra”? And then you made a commercial using this song set in Nashville, my city? You totally fell into the trap of thinking of Music City as a back-home country music kind of town, which we’re really not. Which you’d know if you’d ever visited here or you know, read about the music scene. And if you could, talk to those people at KY. I hate their commercials, too. They make me embarrassed in my own home. If the phrase “I didn’t need to know that” comes out of my mouth while watching your commercial, it’s not a good sign. Happy DVR fast forwards through commercials, Mandy