Think before you speak

Several days ago, someone made an off-hand remark to me that honestly didn’t mean all that much at the time, but it stuck in my head and started to bother me.

It happened during a conversation with church friends about how exhausting a certain commitment had been. For the past 10 weeks or so, I’ve been involved in a Bible study at church. A women’s Bible study that starts at 5:45 p.m. and ends at 7 p.m., which is of course when choir rehearsal begins. Basically, for the past few months, my Wednesdays have looked like this:

5 a.m. alarm goes off 5:20 a.m.: get out of bed after hitting snooze twice 5:30 a.m.: feed dog/Quiet time/breakfast 6 a.m. get ready for work 7:15-7:30 a.m. Get to work, look at to do list, work with focus all day long 4 p.m.-4:45 p.m. leave work 5 p.m. Arrive home, walk dog, eat 5:20 p.m. leave for church 5:40 p.m. Arrive for Bible study 7 p.m. choir 8:45 p.m. leave choir 9 p.m. Watch DVR with friends 10-10:30 p.m. go to bed

But when I mentioned that Wednesdays were exhausting, the mother of 3 I was talked with said, “Wait until you have kids!”

It didn’t upset me in the way you think. Yes, I’m single, but I’m not especially unhappily single. I don’t wear my singleness like a badge and set traps for married people to fall in so that when they say something about family, marriage, or relationships to me I can get mad at them for rubbing my singleness in my face. Her statement didn’t hurt my feelings or cause me to start pondering my biological clock. Her statement didn’t cause me to fall into a pit of depression because I’m single.

But it bothered me just the same.

And it took a few days of mulling over that statement to figure out why. And here’s why: That statement implies that my life doesn’t have a lot of worth. Because I’m single. Because I’m not a wife or mother. Because the common conception of singles (and sometimes more so among church people) is that we have wide open schedules and few responsibilities because we don’t have husbands, wives, and kids.

And that’s a lie.

I am well aware of the value of the single life and the opportunities it affords that being married doesn’t. I can devote myself to more ministry. I can be more spontaneous about things because I don’t have a husband or children. There is freedom, but for me, it’s truly more freedom to serve. It’s the ability to work in our high school arts ministry and coach Upward cheerleading. It’s the commitment to my church’s choir, being involved in my Life Group, doing Bible studies, and finding ways to serve in the community with my Life Group.

And just because I’m not married doesn’t mean I don’t have family responsibilities. I do. I have a grandmother with dementia, parents who I love, a brother and sister-in-law, and a nephew. I have a group of friends who I truly seek to love, serve, and make more important than myself.

It’s a lie that we tell sometimes (not with our words, but with our actions) that single people don’t count for much, especially in the church. That you don’t have worth until you carry the titles of husband, wife, mother, and father. And that just not true.

Because every life has worth and value. And Scripture is clear to point toward the value of each person and the benefits of the single life.

So married people, don’t go around perpetuating the lie with off-handed remarks. Single people have worth and we may be the people who are pouring Truth into your children.

And single people, don’t wear your singleness as a badge and take every comment as a slight. Most of the time, they aren’t meant as such. Most of all, don’t believe the lie that you don’t have worth because you’re not married. You were created with a purpose, so get out in the world, serve others, and live to glorify God, whether you’re married or not. You’ve got one life and it isn’t very long! Live it! Use it! And don’t waste the time that you’re single hating it so much that you miss out on the opportunities God gives.