They’re Coming to America

As Stupid Ryan says, “THIS ISSSSSSS AMMMMERRRRRIICAN IDOL!” And I can’t believe he just made everyone say hello to Carly. Rubbing salt in the wound, huh, Ryan? First you’re mean when you dismiss Hot Michael Johns from the show, and now you’re taunting Carly. I really don’t care for this attitude, young man!

It’s Neil Diamond night, and I couldn’t be less enthused. And Neil Diamond sounds just about as excited about being the mentor in his interview. Oh, wait. That’s just the way he talks.

Jason: He’s back to his Jack Johnston vibe singing “Forever in Blue Jeans.” Mindy and I decide he’s bow-legged. It’s fine as a coffeehouse performance because it required nothing of me. I didn’t really like it or dislike it.

David Cook: He makes me nervous in the beginning of “I’m Alive,” but then rocks out. Or maybe it’s that I’m biased. Mindy muses that he may have picked this song and this particular message for his brother, who has cancer. Which, even if that’s not the reason he picked the song, makes me love him a little more. Because, well, big ole softy right here! I think it’s a good performance.

Brooke: She’s going to do “I’m a Believer.” This makes me groan. She’s wearing shiny pleather pants that completely envelope her feet. Seriously, it’s like she has no feet. Just legs that end where her pants meet the stage. Like drawings little kids do when they can’t draw shoes or toes. Yes, I’m aware I’m rambling. She does some weird stuff on the phrase, “I’m in love,” but it’s better than last week. Way better. Not great, but not bad. But we’re at the stage where everyone is good and somebody still has to go home.

Someone’s holding up a sign that says “My husband has a man-crush on Seacrest.” It makes my night.

The Archuleta: David A. picks “Sweet Caroline.” Really, who’s surprised? Took the easy way out, huh, David A. OK, so the boy can sing, but really, “Sweet Caroline” wasn’t much of a surprise or a stretch. He does it well, fantastic actually, but I’m just sort of blah about him tonight. I can’t even explain why.

Syesha: She does “Hello Again” first and sings most of it sitting down. I have to give her props for hitting those notes while seated. I actually think this is a good performance, very longing and beautiful. I admit it, Mindy, I like her tonight. And her dress is really pretty. (That’s like the longest string of nice things I’ve said about her in weeks!)

Another favorite moment: Paula thinks the contestants have sung 2 songs already. HILARIOUS. Seriously, my children, don’t do drugs.

Take 2: Jason’s second song is “September Morn,” which he milks for all the sappiness he can. At one point he stands up and awkwardly sort of sways. Randy says both songs were just OK, Paula blabs, Simon says he didn’t attempt to make the songs his own. I must say, I agree. He was just sort of there. Not memorable, not terrible. Just there.

Take 2: David does “All I Really Need Is You” for his second song. (And seriously, does Ryan put a little too much emphasis on the “ook” in David’s last name. It’s weird.)  It’s a bit rough in the beginning. I really, really want to like this, but don’t really love it until the very end. I mean, it was good, and while he did well, I’m thinking Neil Diamond probably just isn’t David’s thing. But still, he brought it. Randy loved it; Paula says she’s looking at the American Idol; Simon says the first was OK, the second was brilliant. Still loving David am I. Oh, yes!

Take 2: Brooke does “I Am, I Said” for her second song. And plays the piano. She changes a bunch of lyrics to reflect her life (with Neil Diamond’s permission, which I wouldn’t agree with otherwise). This is actually pretty good. The ending is quick and a bit weird. Randy says good job; Paula says it was better than the first; Simon hated the first song, but said this was the “Brooke we love.” He’s right. And I agree with him. Scary.

Take 2: The Archuleta does “Coming to America” for his second song. Really, David. Stretch yourself. He has some weird hiccupy moments and pulls out all the patriotic stops, including a modulation. It’s actually kind of amazing. The boy so can sing. Randy loves it; Paula blathers for a bit; Simon says David picked well on his songs. He’ll definitely get the patriotic votes. (Kristy Lee voters unite!) But I agree with Simon: he picked well, even if I thought the songs were the easy ways out and he performed well. I just feel like he’s always doing the same thing over and over and over. Like “Groundhog Day.”

Take 2: Syesha does some clappy, attitude song for her second performance. “I Thank the Lord for the Nighttime,” I think. It’s very, very good. It’s a—gasp!—performance! Syesha brought the goods tonight. Randy liked it; Paula talks about her magic; Simon says she’s a good actress/singer, but that she may be in trouble tonight. He says the second song wasn’t memorable. And I liked it best of all her performances. Ever. So we disagree, Simon! We disagree!

The best: David Cook, The Archuleta

Bottom: Jason Castro, probably Brooke. I thought Syesha did great tonight. And that takes a lot for me to say that.

Going home: Jason I think. But I was wrong last week.