Stop the insanity!

Let me begin this post with an admission: I have never, ever, not even once watched an episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8.

But with all the controversy, media attention, and a lunch table discussion about the situation at work yesterday, last night I found myself flipping over to TLC during the 8 p.m. hour trying to catch the big announcement.

And when the separate interviews with Jon and Kate finally came—on the same little loveseat at different times—I sat there with my hand over my mouth, wondering what in the world these people are thinking. I was deeply saddened for the whole family. Here is this couple who had once loved each other so much, who had pledged their lives to one another. And now they’re outlining a plan to share their house and children and their eyes seem empty and sad. My heart hurt for them and for the children who don’t even know yet.

Divorce hurts. I know that from all the teens I’ve talked to in focus groups and development meetings. Teens who’ve told me in conversations and written words that their parents’ divorce is ripping them apart. “When will it stop hurting?” one girl asked one time. Her question broke my heart. Because I don’t know if it ever will. Because I know from friends’ experiences, this will be something she’ll be dealing with for the rest of her life. That no matter what her parents say, there’s always going to be a bruised part of her that halfway believes that this is her fault. That she feels rejected and abandoned by the two people who were supposed to be the ones she could always count on.

And Jon and Kate will do all of that in the public eye. I watched them talk about how this was for the kids, how things were just really bad in their relationship, how they don’t talk. Have you really tried? I asked the faces on the TV. You seem to have given up and are taking the obvious way out.

The part that bothers me the most is that Jon and Kate have professed to be Christians. As believers, I know they know the importance God places on marriage. I know they understand that it’s His foundation for the family, the relationship He has modeled for us in Christ’s love for the church. I also know that divorce happens among Christians and that we’re not anymore immune to it than anyone else, but that doesn’t mean that’s the way it should be. If anything, I think we should be the people who are fighting to keep our marriages strong and our families in the right perspective. That when the going gets tough in marriage—and it will, in every marriage—that believers are the people who lay their lives down before God and ask for help, even knowing that things are bad, that their relationship is completely messed up, but still fighting to honor God with their lives and their marriage, still fighting to stay together. That’s what breaks my heart about Jon and Kate: they know the truth. They’ve professed to believe it. And when everything falls apart, they won’t fight for it.

I won’t point fingers because I don’t know the ins and outs of Jon and Kate’s relationship and frankly don’t think it’s any of my business. I just feel a strange overwhelming sadness and brokenheartedness for the heartbreak that is rocking this family. And I hope the best for every last one of them.