Put me out of my misery

Let’s just say that I don’t have a lot of witty anecdotes to tell during small talk at gatherings with people I may or may not know that well. There’s the whole I-was-born-premature-and-a-twin-which-my-parents-didn’t-expect thing, of course. Then there’s the fact that I only have one tonsil, a topic of conversation to be pulled out only in the right crowds (and hopefully won’t elicit comments about “tonsil hockey” or other things that might make me feel slightly embarrassed).

So, yeah, I supposedly only have one tonsil. I’m not even sure which one! When I was 2 years old, my tonsils were growing at drastically different rates. This fact sent the doctor into a frenzy, and it was decided I needed a tonsillectomy, but not your run-of-the-mill tonsillectomy. Nope, the doctors removed only one of my tonsils, the mutant one, to biopsy. The other stayed put.

In the last few years, my tonsil has been conspiring against me. I’m beginning to think that because the tonsil was removed so early in life and possible tissue was left. . . .well that it’s regenerated. And become even more annoying. A few years ago, I had a wonderfully bad case of tonsillitis. And right now, it sometimes feels as if my left tonsil is coming out of my ear. I’ve had a sore throat since last week sometime. And now it’s culminating in the sniffles, sneezing, coughing, and, of course, complaining.

So I don’t feel good, boys and girls.

Be nice to me.