Prima Donnas and (Jesus Christ) Superstars

7:01 p.m. Stupid Ryan is WAY over the top. “This IIISSS AMMMMMERican Idol.” It’s gonna be a good show! Andrew Lloyd Webber’s in the house and Ryan is pimping Earth Day. Ryan blathers on about everyone being out of their element and makes a huge fool of himself acting like he’s directing the orchestra. Really. Does he not know that he’s annoying?

7:03 p.m. Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber is a bit scary looking. I’m just sayin’. But he’s obviously talented, so I need to just shut up. And I heart “Phantom of the Opera.” So the Super Six got to go to Los Vegas to meet with Andrew. Cool. I’d love to see Phantom again. Andrew Lloyd Webber thinks words are important. I think I love him.

7:05 p.m. Stop talking. Start singing. Don’t let Paula talk without notes. You make NO sense. Let Simon talk!

7:06 p.m. Syesha is first. She’s singing “One Rock and Roll Too Many.” Andrew thinks she could “bring the house down.” I think she may have started on the wrong note. And she’s singing on the piano. She’s not always on key, but she’s pulling out the sex appeal and giving a performance for once. Randy says it was her best performance to date (he’s right, it was a performance for once!); Paula blathers; Simon winks at someone, then says it was sexy and calls it one of her strongest performances and praises her for showing personality, which I’m glad because she lacks that a lot of the time, in my opinion. (Sorry, Mindy! Aside: we have differing views on Syesha, but we’ve agreed to disagree. It’s all good!)

7:15 p.m. Finally back from the longest. commercial. break. ever. Ryan interviews Jason about his lack of knowledge of anything Andrew Lloyd Webber. Oh, crap. He’s singing “Memories.” Andrew makes me laugh be saying he’d never thought he’d see a man with dreadlocks sing this song. He’s not sure of Jason’s choice. Here we go! Jason keeps breathing in weird places and making straining faces. I think it’s supposed to express emotion. It’s not bad, though, as he gets into the home stretch. This is totally not his roundhouse, but he’s trying. I think it was OK, a bit too breathy throughout and definitely not amazing. Randy says vocally it was a trainwreck; Paula thinks it was a wise choice because people expect a female voice on this song and says some other stuff about his “unique being;” Simon says it seemed “forced.”

7:26 p.m. Brooke’s up. She’s singing “You Must Love Me,” and Andrew doesn’t think she has a clue what she’s singing about. He explains the emotion of the song, and he’s pleased with the turnaround. The performance: wow. She just messed up and asked them to start again. She seems a bit too happy for this song at first, but I must admit, I got caught up in this one and actually just watched the performance. The last bit is beautiful, I think, especially the last word/note. Randy says it wasn’t great, but it was apparent she listened to Andrew; Paula pauses for a LONG time and yells at her for starting over, but praises her emotional strength; Simon says she strained vocally and predicts she’ll be disappointed in her performance. I agree, it wasn’t wonderful, but I thought she really captured the emotion of the song. I don’t think it was as bad as they’re saying, but it certainly was not great. The judges fight over what she should have done when she lost the lyric, and Brooke just looks sad.

7:38 p.m. Ryan lets a pack of little girls hug The Archuleta. It’s as uncomfortable and as weird as it sounds. David’s singing “Think of Me,” which I play on the piano and sing in my house. A LOT. It freaks out Andrew to hear a boy sing it, and he encourages Archuleta to open his eyes while singing. OK, this is weird. I love this song, and he’s made it into a pop tune. Weird. It sounds like something on Top 40 radio. I can’t decide if I like it, because I just love this song as performed in Phantom. I do give him points for updating the song and making it into something marketable beyond those of us who are partial to show tunes. Definitely the best performance so far tonight. Randy says he put his own personality into it and declares The Archuleta the one to beat; Paula says it was perfect and a pop ballad; Simon says it was pleasant, but a weak performance. It was the best performance so far, I think, so Simon and I disagree. But I am willing to say that Simon might be right because while beautiful, interesting, and technically great, it didn’t make me fall off the couch with emotion or in amazement. But the Archuleta is still awesome.

7:47 p.m. It’s time for Carly! Oh, crap. She’s singing my favorite “All I Ask of You.” He cuts her off and makes her sing “Jesus Christ Superstar.” Totally better. Here we go! (And Andrew uses the “Irish eye” cliché too much!) She’s rocking this. Sweet mother, this is astounding! I have to say, this is like the one time I have really, really liked Carly. I’m not sure about the outfit, though. This is the most personality she’s shown all season, though, so yay! Randy says it was a good song for a big voice because it’s rangey (?); Paula loved it, of course; Simon says it got shouty in the middle but one of his favorite performances of the night. Because he’s had so many good ones to choose from? Carly should definitely NOT go home this week.

7:55 p.m. David Cook is doing “Music of the Night,” which Andrew describes as the sexiest song he’s ever written and encourages David to imagine him as a gorgeous 17-year-old. Andrew wants David to come out of himself. I’m scared. Nobody beats Michael Crawford on this song. Dude, he hit the money note! And I believe him when he sings “only then can you belong to me.” I’m so in love with him. We grow ’em good in Missouri. OK, back the task at hand. I even forgive him the power note at the end (Michael Crawford slowly crawls up the scale). (As an aside, I just went to get the video and watched it again. It’s even better the second time around.) Randy says it was amazing vocally; Paula compliments his “instrument;” Simon said he made the most of the song and not as rough around the edges as he likes. I think it was dang awesome.

Top picks: David Cook, The Archuleta, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, Carly.

Bottom: Jason Castro, Brooke, and because I have to, Syesha.

Going home? Brooke, probably.