News flash: It’s not all about you!

Lately, it’s become pretty clear to me that I need a vacation. Or maybe just a few days away from the office. But a rest would be nice. Sadly, that’s not happening until October when Mindy and I make our excursion into the wilds of New England.

And over the last few days, something else has also become clear to me and it’s been resounding in my head throughout various situations: It’s not all about me.

I’ve been frustrated lately. Frustrated that many members of my department are moving offices. Most everyone will now be located on one area of our floor, except for me and three other coworkers whose offices are actually surrounded by another department. And the nature of these peoples’ jobs is much different than ours, meaning they are LOUD and we need to edit. It’s not ideal; we’ve talked to our boss about it; the answer is that there’s not much they can do. I understand, but it doesn’t leave me feeling any less frustrated when I’m writing devotions and someone down the hall is screaming, cackling, or talking on speakerphone so loudly I hear every word. I’m frustrated by my workload and my desire to get the magazine back on schedule so that I’m not working at night or continually rushing from one thing to the next. I’ve been frustrated that due to budget cuts, a coworker and I who have gotten to travel to trade shows and events (i.e. Rock the Universe at Universal Studios) in the past, won’t be allowed to this year because of budget restraints. And I really wanted to go to Rock the Universe this year, secretly because I wanted to see Switchfoot and Remedy Drive. I’ve been frustrated by a conference I’ve been asked to lead, help and leadership “to guide me through the process” that was promised at the outset, but really hasn’t materialized, and an iffy relationship with the state convention leader planning the conference. I’ve been frustrated by my running times, hurt when I wasn’t asked to be a part of something, and trying to defeat some of the lies low self-esteem likes to throw your way (i.e.: you’re not good enough; when something better or more interesting comes along, they’ll drop you; etc.)

And last night, when I was driving down the road and praying about it, the words that kept coming to me were that it wasn’t all about me. That selfishness has no place in my life. That I’m not the most important person anymore.

I write that truth every day in the magazine. I read it. I edit it. I’ve written it as questions, in paragraphs of prose, and in devotions. I’ve stood before groups of students and encouraged them to live their faith, to put their words into action, to stop talking about generalities and start being obedient to the call of Christ. The thing is, it’s way easier to say those things and a lot harder to do them. It’s difficult when you feel like you deserve the attention, the honor, the whatever. Then, I remember that I’m not necessarily called to be happy; I’m called to be obedient. That’s when I remember that none of these things are overly important in the big scheme of things. My life cannot be about getting everything I selfishly want. It’s supposed to be about His glory.

And my prayer today is that it is. Even if I have to remind myself every few minutes that it’s not about me.

Thing is, it never really was.

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. —Psalm 118:24