Let my words be few

I’m fairly sure that I’m in a bad mood.

Scratch that. I’m in a bad mood.

I’m tired. I’m grumpy. I haven’t had coffee yet, and I actually cried while drying my hair this morning because I started thinking about a situation that is a little worrisome and frustrating to me and how I felt overlooked and taken advantage of in it. It didn’t matter that neither of those things are probably true. Or that I knew I was tired and not exactly thinking clearly. Or that the only person I was thinking about was me.

I wasn’t happy, and I was going to make sure people knew about it.

Well, I’m still not happy, but the truth that overwhelmed me is that I need to hold my tongue. I need to wait. I need to make sure I’m not making something all about me when it’s not. That I need to “wait upon the Lord” and stop planning what I’m going to say to so-and-so about how they’ve hurt me.

I’m not talking about it for awhile. I’m letting my words be few.

And just because I’m submitting to God in this matter doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. I’m not. I’m still hurt. I still feel overlooked and taken advantage of. I’m still frustrated. But I also know that I’m not always right and that selfishness, damaged pride, and hurt feelings may not help me to see what’s actually important or the reality of what’s going on—because all too often, I see things through the lens of ME—what’s best for me, what makes me feel good and valued, what I want to do.

There’s a part of me that wants to rant and rave all about it right here, but that wouldn’t accomplish anything—other than me feeling better for about a millisecond and then wishing I could recall those words.

So, I’m keeping my mouth shut. At least for the time being. Even if the easiest and the thing I want most to do is sound off.

Because it’s not about me. And it never really was.