Let me catch you up. . .

So, to quote the great Mark Twain, “rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”

OK, so there aren’t any rumors of my death, but still a girl had to come up with something witty and striking to say when she’s been absent from this blog as much as I have. Truth be told, I’ve just been busy and a tiny (A LOT) overwhelmed with some new (exciting) things at work. But just so we can all get reacquainted, let me share with you a few things I’ve learned during my hiatus:

1. Spacial reasoning may not be my strong suit. Let’s just say that when you select the “12 oz. travel mug” option on the Keurig Vue, then walk outside to walk your dog, you should make sure that the travel mug you have actually placed under the Keurig is 12 ounces. Because if it’s more like 10 ounces, you will have a 2 ounce mess on your hands. And you will be late for work. And your dog will stare at you impatiently because instead of getting her a tasty chicken treat, you’re running around the kitchen flinging hot coffee everywhere and mopping it up all while exclaiming “Is it on my coat?! My red coat!” Not that I’d know anything about that. . . .

2. When you’re cold, you’ll find a way through a locked door. So, imagine your 14-year-old dog had dental surgery. And it’s surgery, not just a cleaning, because they extracted a tooth and tried to close up a fistula in her gums. (Look up fistula if you want. It’s basically a hole.) Now, imagine that after listening to the dog cry for about an hour early in the morning after surgery, the owner decides to get up and take the dog out. At 6 a.m. On a Saturday morning. When it’s like 30 degrees outside. And just for fun, imagine that the patio gate closes behind said owner and dog when they go outside. Maybe said owner thinks it’s not that big of a deal because she can squeeze her hand through the gap and open it (and maybe said owner has forgotten to account for the fact that wood swells after days and days of rain). So, imagine an owner climbing on a trash bin wearing pajamas, a bath robe, and a coat and holding a flashlight to climb over the fence and get the gate back open so that the still slightly loopy from anesthesia little old dog who keeps wandering away can come in out of the cold. Not that I’d know anything about that either. . . . (Sub-lessons learned: take your phone and car keys with you when you walk the dog on early cold mornings. Then, you can call someone who has a key to your house and sit in your warm car until they get there.)

3. Dentists really aren’t a lot of fun. So, readers, if you are an adult and still have a baby tooth, TAKE CARE OF IT NOW! If you have kids, make sure that all of their baby teeth come out and take care of it quickly if they don’t. Because if you don’t, your lovely child will have to take care of it in young(ish) adulthood and it will NOT be a barrel of fun. There will be things called “consultations” with oral surgeons who bandy about words like “implant,” “braces,” or “options.” There will be impressions to take, which is a really nice way to say that someone will stick large amounts of goo in your mouth that looks like it comes out of a modified caulking gun and make you sit there for awhile, all the while telling you to breath out of your nose and asking all kinds of weird questions about your gag reflex. And your darling child will learn what a “flipper” tooth is and have to purchase one. And. It. Is. Not. Fun. Not that I’d know much about that either. . . . (but surgery will likely be in early March).

Anyway, that’s just a little humor to catch you up with. . . .well, me. Hopefully, my blogging will get back to normal in the coming weeks. Until then!