Lessons learned from “American Idol”

Apparently “American Idol” returns tonight with its almost all-new panel of judges and at least some excitement and discussion (online and off) that the show will be full of changes and this season will mark a much-needed reboot.

I’m neither here nor there on all of that. I’ll probably watch the episodes shot in Nashville, more for the hopes of seeing someone I know than anything else. I’m fairly sure “American Idol” and I broke up sometime during last season and I’m not sure there’s a thing AI can do to get me back.

But that said, I have a few bits of advice for the AI hopefuls who will grace the stage this season. Here we go: • Just because your momma told you that you were an amazing singer doesn’t mean it’s true. See, sometimes mommas see their children through rose-colored glasses. And they love you. And they may be the only ones who think you can sing. Before going on AI, make sure your singing ability is attested by someone other than your parents.

• Don’t sing diva songs. There are songs out there that are known for their performances and the performer who made them famous. And AI contestants can’t seem to stay out of the songs of Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston (in the good days), and other big-name belters. Then there are songs well-known for their performance, like Jeff Buckley’s version of “Hallelujah” or Aretha’s “RESPECT.”  Here’s my advice on diva songs and songs well-known for their performance: if you’re going to perform one of these like the original, it better be better than the original performance. If you’re going to do one of these and make up your own arrangement/style, it better be different enough to make it your own, it should actually fit with the song you’re singing, and it better be phenomenal. Otherwise, pick B sides that only music lovers would know and show your stuff!

• Just because you have a pleasant voice, can sing in the church choir, or generally don’t make people’s ears hurt when you sing doesn’t mean you’re the next American Idol. American Idol is looking for more than someone who can sing songs nicely. They want an entertainer, a performer. If you can’t get into the music, express the motions with your face and voice, and actually perform the song, you’re probably not the person they’re looking for.

• Listen to the mentors. They (most of them) really do know what they’re talking about. Let their experience help and guide you.

• Learn to take constructive criticism and not talk back to the judges. Granted, the last several seasons, the judges were inconsistent with their comments and judging and offered few nuggets of critique that actually helped. BUT maybe this time will be different (I’m not betting on it). If so, though, listen. Don’t talk back. Sift through what the judges said and see if there’s a theme to the comments. Then work to become a better artist and performer and let the weak spots they point out be your guide.

• Don’t sing the overused songs. I think “Across the Universe,” “Come Together,” “Hallelujah,” and various other songs should simply be deleted from the AI catalog. If it’s been performed on the show twice before, DO NOT SING IT!