Laying my weary head down

I’m one of those people who loves sleep. I mean, my mom had to break me of taking naps when I went to kindergarten, and I still ask for naptime at work (I haven’t gotten an affirmative answer on that one yet). See, me and Sleep, yeah, we’re close friends. I like the calming, relaxing feel he gives to our relationship. I like the way time spent with Sleep always leaves me refreshed and rejuvenated.

It’s just that lately, that hasn’t happened much. I haven’t slept all that well over the holidays and thought that it was probably because I got used to staying up late and getting up late rather than the going to bed around 10:30 or so and getting up at 5 a.m. But every time I get in bed, it’s like my bed has suddenly become the most uncomfortable bed on the face of the planet. I do know I need to flip my mattress, which is absolutely feasible by myself, but also exhausting by myself. And it’s not like I can run next door and ask Neighbor John to help me without it sounding weird and a bit like a pervy come-on line. (Hey, John, wanna help me flip my mattress? bat eyelashes) So, I foresee me trying in on my own in the near future.

But Sleep still eludes me. After I do finally find a comfortable way to lay, then I can’t sleep or don’t sleep very deeply. I feel like I’ve been waking up over and over and over every night this past week. Yesterday, I thought I had the perfect plan. I went back to the gym (no more cheating on running!) ran 3 miles on the treadmill (boo), then rode a few miles on the bike and came on home. I ate supper. I took a relaxing bath. I made relaxing tea and watched a movie I love (no comments on how I just realized Jimmy Fallon is in Almost Famous—I am apparently NOT observant, which actually explains a lot of things in my life. Like how I never realized Cesar was hitting on me until it was way past normal). All that said, I thought that tired and relaxed as I was, sleep would come quickly and easily.

It did, but only for awhile. And it wasn’t a deep sleep and there was a lot of tossing and turning. Then, I woke up at 4:30 a.m. with the mother of all headaches. I got up to take ibuprofen, but really didn’t get much sleep since I knew the alarm was going off in a few minutes. So today, I’m tired, and I look it. And I’m tired of being tired. And this tiredness led straight to pessimism, which led straight to feeling underappreciated, overlooked, and unattractive to any and everyone. And my morning routine actually included tears this morning, which I’m a little embarrassed to admit. I even decided that if my life were a romantic comedy, I wouldn’t be the lead character who gets the guy. Oh no, I’d be the best friend/sidekick who is there every step of the way cheering the lead character on and geniunely happy for her, but never gets a story of her own. And at the end, she fades into the background of our memories and we forget about her. Yeah, that’s the kind of pessimism and feeling sorry for ourselves we’re dealing with.

But I’m admitting it, and I’m working on it. Let’s hope my mood improves (and since several verses of Scripture have already popped into my head, it will). Let’s also hope that tonight, Sleep becomes my friend again. I miss him.