Lately

Lately I’ve been saying I’m 27.

I turned 28 last October.

I don’t do it purposely. I’m not ashamed of my age or trying to fool anyone. It just happens. I’ll be at the gym, putting the information into the machine and when it asks my age, I type in “27.” Someone will ask how old I am and before I even think about it, I’ve blurted out “27” without a second thought. I know how old I am; I’m not weirded out by getting older. . . but I just keep saying the wrong age.

The thing is, the year seems to go by so much faster these days, when I’m 28 rather than 18. When I was younger, the school year seemed like an eternity and the three months of summer vacation seemed endless. And now it’s already June, and 2007 is half over, and I’m left wondering where all the time went. And then I wonder what I’ve done that actually mattered with the time I’ve had.

I was eating dinner with a bunch of friends the other night, and one guy made the statement that he’d like to go back to high school as we watched a group of kids at the next table. My friend, Mindy, and I looked at each other across the table and I could read her mind: “I wouldn’t go back to high school.” We voiced our opinion, then listened to our friend’s reply: “Well,there’s a lot of things I’d like to do better.”

And while I know we can’t change the past, I’d also like to do a few things better. I’d like to have had a little more self confidence. I wish I hadn’t spent so much time worrying about if I was cool enough or skinny enough. I wish I hadn’t based my self worth on others’ opinions. I wish I’d really lived out my faith in bold ways that mattered. I wish I’d spent more time cultivating a daily relationship with Christ than trying to get some guy’s attention who didn’t really care if I liked him or not.

I hope that I don’t fall into the same mind-sets now that I’m 28 (see, I got it right!) 🙂