If you want me to. . .

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear. And I don’t know the reason why you brought me here.

I first heard Ginny Owen’s song “If You Want Me To” years ago. And I thought it was nice. It was poetic and pretty, two things I appreciated at the time. But as I’ve gotten older and actually pondered the lyrics and actually had a little life experience, that song has become more and more dear to me. And last Sunday when I stood up in the church I grew up in and sang it, i knew for the first time in my life, I actually meant those lyrics. It was a very personal moment for me to realize that with all the things that are going on in my life, this season of my discontent with so many things, I was ready and willing to say, just as Ginny Owen’s did, But just because you love me the way that you do, I’m gonna walk through that valley, if you want me to.

I’m having trouble being patient with God right now. I have so many things I want out of life and this moment feels like I’m treading water and waiting. I feel like there’s something big just over the horizon that God is going to do in my life, but I’m tired of waiting. And being who I am, like Abraham in Genesis, I want to make my own plan to achieve my own goals my own way.

What I’ve learned in my life is that God rarely works in the ways I expect Him to. While my big dream and His plan may have the same end product, we rarely choose the same path to get there. And a little life experience has taught me that God’s way is infinitely better but usually not the easiest route. Past disappointments have strengthened and built confidence into my life in ways I wouldn’t have experienced if I’d gotten my own way. Time spent alone (which was not my plan) has ignited a desire to grow closer to the One who loves me forever, who knew my name before I was born. So while I may not like it, and I definitely won’t always enjoy it, I’ll walk through this season of discontent if you want me to.