I’m way too young to be this old

I’m not old. Not really. I refuse to believe that I am old, even though I’ll turn 31 on my next birthday.

But, guys, over and over life keeps trying to tell me that I’m old. Here’s a few instances:

• Saturday night before the concert when we were all corralled into a tiny, hot space with about 400 people, there was a big TV up on the wall on which the venue was showing music videos. There was one of a young Bruce Sprinsteen that no one but Mindy and I seemed to think was cool. Then, the amazing thing happened: the New Kids on the Block “The Right Stuff” video came on. OK, guys, I was all about NKOTB in the fifth grade. Loved them. I am highly embarrassed now to admit that Jordan (the high singer) was my favorite (no, I don’t know why!) and that I had a button with his face on it that I wore quite often. I had a NKOTB VHS tape that featured this particular video and will admit to trying to do the dance, which has to be some of the dumbest choreography to date. Actually, the whole video is kind of dumb and all Jordan seems to be able to do to convey emotion is keep pulling on his oh-so-fashionable motorcyle-style leather jacket. But, guys, when this video came on Saturday night, Mindy and I laughed so hard. And then we sang along. If there’d been room, I would have attempted the dance. The reason this makes me feel old? NO ONE ELSE SEEMED TO CARE OR EVEN KNOW WHO NKOTB WAS. That’s when I looked around the crowd and discovered I was surrounded by people who were probably born well after 1984, didn’t know NKOTB had been around before this last lame reunion tour, and were likely Belmont and Vandy girls there to see Andy because they have a crush on him. Which I will admit to having, too, but I actually think he’s a great musician.

• Also from Saturday night: As I looked over that crowd of young women and their dates, I felt this urge to get them all in a room and share my “wisdom” with them. Granted, that in itself makes me old. But I just looked over all of them and I see the girls who struggle with self-esteem, who are wearing that little dress because it’s what all their friends are wearing, girls who are trying to fit in and make people like them any way they can. And that makes my heart hurt! I just know that feeling, that desire to be accepted, because really, I still struggle with it today. I think we all do. It all fits into my theory that adult life is just high school with dress pants and company IDs. And I know that this makes me downright ancient, but I really don’t get wearing the little going-out-on-the-town dress and fancy shoes to this kind of concert. Because you have to stand. It’s always hot. I went with jeans, a tanktop, a big belt, and my cowboy boots. I was comfortable the whole night. . . well, except for the next thing that signals my “oldness” . . .

• Standing in that crowded lobby area with 400 other people was hot and uncomfortable. And it made me grumpy. And I felt all complainy. Not many of the “youngsters” there seemed to feel the same way.

• Shows like “Dating in the Dark” make me crazy. (But I can’t stop watching it. Read my review of last night here.) I understand and even like the idea of people meeting and talking and getting to know one another without making snap judgments on appearance. I’m sure that’s why eHarmony encourages its users to communicate through email and other venues before meeting face-to-face. And in my home church, there was a couple who were married for more than 75 years. Yes, I said 75. And because they were in different states during part of their “courting,” Grandpa Fralick courted Grandma Fralick (this is what we all called them, related or not) through letters. If I remember correctly, they hadn’t even actually seen each other that many times before they got married. But “Dating in the Dark” is a mess in which these people say they want deep relationships, but still make snap judgments on appearance. Most of all, I want to shake all the people. To tell the wild girl to stop acting like that. To insist that people get some morals and social graces. To tell the girls to stop being so forceful with guys. To slap most of the guys for being jerks. I feel old when I find myself saying, what happened to asking a girl out on a regular date, getting to know her, and moving on from there? Did pursuing a girl and treating her with respect go out of style when I wasn’t paying attention? Maybe all of that doesn’t make me old, but rather more demanding of the guys who date me. Maybe that’s why no one asks me out.

• I have gray hair. Actually, it’s white. But it’s at my temples and there’s quite a lot of it. I think I’m too young for this, but maybe I’m just old.