I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number.

My cell phone number is pretty easy to remember. So easy, in fact, that when I give it to people, they sometimes think I’m fake-numbering them. Actually, my number is so easy that it actually IS a number people use as a fake number (you know, when someone asks for your number and you don’t want to give it to them). I mean, there was that guy who like to send 3 a.m. text messages to Audrey or Adriana or some A-name. There was the guy I had to tell over and over that the girl he was trying to call did not own this phone. But yesterday, oh, yesterday took the cake.

At some point every morning, my friend and coworker Bob and I go downstairs to the LW cafeteria. He usually gets a big ol’ cup of sweet tea and a chicken biscuit; I fill up my Nalgene bottle with water. Yesterday, when I returned, I met my coworker Emily in the hall and she informed me that my cell phone had been ringing when she went by my office. Since that’s generally a rare occurence at work, I was intrigued.

I sauntered back to my office, saw I had a voicemail, and sat down to listen. Here’s the basic play-by-play (italics denote my thoughts):”Hi, Amy. This is Mariah.” Amy? Whose Amy? Well, people often think that’s what I’ve said my name is. I guess I don’t speak clearly. And Mariah? I didn’t know people really had that name. Except Mariah Carey. “I have a few questions about the profile you filled out for Mature Singles and I wanted to ask you a few questions. Please call me back as soon as possible.” Wait a minute. Stop the bus. Did she say Mature Singles? Oh, geeze. Seriously, did someone use my cell phone number as a fake number for a Mature Singles dating profile? Or did someone think it would be a really funny joke to fill out a Mature Singles dating profile for me? And if so, who? And how can I hurt said person?

Eventually, I decided this turn of events was laugh-worthy, had a good chuckle, and hit save so that I could laugh at the voicemail message for a few more days. And I would have thought nothing more of it if I hadn’t missed a call while I was at the gym and then answered another while fixing supper. And it was Mariah again, asking for Amy—who I informed her was not at this number. She seemed a bit taken aback and said she would “note” that. I don’t think she believed me. But Mariah, I did NOT fill out a profile for Mature Singles. Because while I may be 30, I don’t think I’m quite at the “mature singles dating” stage. Though I think my mother would like me to try eHarmony; she wants me to be taken care of. I continue to resist.

But I guess if all else fails and my dating prospects look bleak enough, I could just call Mariah at Mature Singles back . . . or not.