Don’t be a know-it-all!

You’ve all been there.

You’re in a group of people. Maybe it’s a class, a work group, a Bible study, or a book club discussion. Whatever it is, there’s someone who is in charge—a teacher of sorts—but discussion and group participation is expected and encouraged. And there’s that one person who has a way of finding some small point or detail in the conversation that he/she has some bit of knowledge about and totally sidetracks the conversation, pontificating on that subject endlessly though no one is listening and those who might be are uninterested. Let me stress that this knowledge that he/she is sharing does not add to the overall conversation, focuses all the attention on that person, and comes off as a way to make others feel stupid.

I’ve been in group discussions like that lately and have realized that people like that push my buttons and raise my blood pressure in a way few others do. It’s not that I begrudge the person his/her knowledge or am somehow jealous. I like to be around people who are smarter than me. And there are a ton of people who are, including the fifth graders on “Are you smarter than a fifth grader?”

It’s the attitude that troubles me. If it were the same kind of situation and the person had knowledge that would add to or deepen the conversation and the person imparting the knowledge did so in a humble, sharing spirit that called for others’ thoughts and comments, I’d be fine with it. But when it comes across as “look at me! Look at me! I’m smarter than you!” or seems motivated by a desire to move the focus of the discussion to the know-it-all person or make other people feel stupid, I can’t stand it. That behavior makes me angry and frustrated, and I have no idea how to understand or deal with those kinds of people in a way that builds them up and doesn’t involve me throwing things at them or trying to best them in a knowledge showdown, both of which cross my mind in those situations.

I am willing to admit that maybe part of the reason I abhore this behavior has to do with me. Maybe I’m perceiving the behavior in a way that it isn’t intended. Maybe the person really just has a desire to teach others. Maybe, knowing that it’s often the things you dislike about yourself that annoy you the most in others, I have a little of the know-it-all spirit in me. All those things are possible.

So my advice to you today, whether you’ve got work meetings or church stuff or whatever, don’t be the know-it-all in the group. There’s a humility in listening to other opinions, serving others, and not judging.

But I would appreciate your comments on how you deal with the know-it-all person in those groups. . .