Dating in the Dark: A Recap

At my house, we have something new and fun to do on Monday nights: watch “Dating in the Dark.”

Yes, it’s dumb. Certainly it’s akin to a  train wreck. And, yes, I’ve already taken Zyrtec due to some sinus/allergy issues and feel like I might fall asleep at any moment. But this show is so bad that I can’t take my eyes away. Judge if you may, but I’m popping the popcorn and enjoying the show.

And, for your viewing enjoyment, I’m blogging about it AS I WATCH! (I am referring to the 9 p.m. episode.) Are you ready?

First up, the guys. There’s Chris, a personal trainer who had cancer as a child and is sort of like the lost member of the Backstreet Boys, at least in looks. Then there’s Philip, a Marine, who’s looking for someone with depth. And finally, there’s Billy Ray who does not match up with his name.

The girls: Sasha, who admits she’s superficial; Megan, a nanny, who likes “eclectic” guys; and finally, Jennifer, who is in the military, and thinks men can’t handle the fact that she’s in the military.

First up is a group date and everyone stumbles in to the dark room. Which is very, very dark. Everyone introduces themselves and discusses their perfect dates. One girl wants to work on a lion rehabilitation center in Zimbabwe and the guys read that as being romantic. The guys all differ on who is top, but Billy Ray’s reason for not liking Jennifer is great: “I’m not a big worker-outer.”

The next way “to get to know” each other better is individual dates. Billy Ray goes on a date with Megan (they both chose each other). They talk about family and Billy Ray’s history is kind of sad, with a dad who overdosed. Sasha invites Billy Ray on a date, too, so they chat. Sasha counts him out because he’s allergic to cats; Billy Ray counts her out because she doesn’t ever relax.

Jen invites Chris on a date and forces him to do a push-up with her on his back. Sincerely, just because she wanted to check out his body, which she liked. Phil invited Jen, too, so they go on a date and discuss the military and dancing.

Sasha then invites Chris on a date, and they talk about family—during which Chris tells the sad story of his dad dying, then Chris himself getting diagnosed with cancer. Which is sad and terrible and all those things, but somehow, I think he’s learned to use this story to his advantage with the ladies.

Then, the girls check out the guy’s wallets and the guys go through the girls’ purses. Personally, I’d hate for someone to judge me by the disorder of my purse. Because earlier today I found a bag of chips from Panera in there. And there’s pretty much never any cash. And there are all kinds of receipts and notes to myself floating around in there, plus my iPod, my lip balm, and a stack of index cards with Bible verses on them. What would all that say about me?

After that, the host guy (Rossi) announces the best compatibility partners. The girls are all mad that they all didn’t get matched with Chris. Ick. I already want to hit him. For Chris and Megan’s date, he brings her food and makes her figure out what it is. And it’s terribly hard things to guess, like apples and bread. How gourmet you are Chris! (SARCASM ALERT!) Sasha and Billy Ray talk about marriage and she basically tries to railroad him and they’re both bored with each other. Phil and Jen decide to dance on their date, which if you want to know is really just Phil’s way of checking out Jen’s body.

Finally there’s more dating in the dark. Jen and Chris feed each other strawberries and whipped cream and his answer to her question of what’s your best feature is: “my honesty and my trust.” I want to gag. Jen tells Phil that he and Chris blow her away, but Phil calls her on her bluff. Billy Ray and Megan talk, but Billy Ray has no interest. Because Billy Ray has no interest in anyone but himself.

In a strange turn of events, all three women choose Chris for the last date. Oh, geeze, a cat fight is a brewing. The guys decide to help coach Chris, which is weird, and the girls sit around a table and act nice, but I can tell you, as a girl, they ain’t thinking nice things about each other.

Megan and Chris talk about the fact that he has three dates, how he likes to go to the lake, and Chris interviews that he has decided to kiss all three girls. He has to make Megan shut up to kiss her and her worry is that he has lipstick on his face. Wow, she talks a lot. Jen and Chris chat about embarrassing moments, which he somehow turns to the story involving his cancer, which is sad and I hope true, but I just wouldn’t have chosen to play that card. Jen and Chris, of course, kiss, and Chris thinks it was “incredible.” Sasha makes Chris talk about sex (he’s a relationship kind of guy) and then she full on makes out with him. It comes off as too aggressive to Chris.

Afterward, the guys chat and the others seem horrified Chris kissed all three. Yay, guys! At least someone realizes this might not be the best idea.

And finally, the guys get ready for the big reveal. Chris sees Megan and thinks she’s “a bigger girl.” Next up is Sasha, who Chris thinks is another “bigger girl” and Sasha says he looks like he was wearing a borrowed suit. Up next is Jen, who he says is “the most attractive” and has a “wild attractive side.”

All the girls debate endlessly about Chris and he heads out to the balcony, where all, none, or any combo of the girls could  show up. Sasha chooses to leave and walks down the mile-long driveway in heels. Megan chooses to leave, also, because she doesn’t want to lead him on because she had doubts about the relationship. Jen also chooses to leave. And Chris is left standing on the balcony because he’s too young!

Chris interviews that he “won’t allow this to stop him.” I think he might be pouting.

Oh, this show is SO terrible. I may have just wasted an hour of my life, but this show gives me insight on American culture—and guys, I’m scared!

🙂