Cleveland Rocks (American Idol-style)

It’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame night and Stupid Ryan wants us to vote. So vote. It makes Ryan sad when we don’t. Or at least make a sad(ish) face. And we can’t have that.

We get a little retrospective on the history of rock (a “school” of rock). You know, but without Jack Black.

7:04 p.m.: David Cook is up, he’s doing “Hungry Like the Wolf,” which came out in 1982, the year he was born. I feel a little old. Granted, I was only 4, but still, I get that weird cradle-robbing feeling. I love it when he rocks. And when he does that thing with the mic stand. And the rock scream. And while I think this is a fine performance, I feel a little like he’s calling this one in. Randy says it was OK, but no “mad hot vocals;” Paula says it left her with “a big appetite (eww!); Simon says it was good, a little copy cat.

Sidenote: the go phone commercial with Meatloaf is disturbing. I guess I thought he wouldn’t “do that.”

7:12 p.m.: Syesha is up next. Ryan asks her about the upcoming “American Idol” tour and she says she wants to meet her fans. I try not to take it as prideful, but it does come off that way. She’s doing “Proud Mary.” So she’s doing Tina (surprise!) and dressed like her. Except her dress may be a bit longer than Tina’s usually is. (Mindy’s comment: “Oh, don’t be slutty.” It’s good, shouty at the end, and she’s no Tina. But she did perform, so props to her. Randy mumbles then says she’s in the zone; Paula says she looks like a star, which is exactly what we want from singers—too merely look like stars(?); Simon says it was a “bad, shrieky version.” I agree. Simon, I’m truly scared that I agree with you so much.

After the longest commercial break ever, we’re back.

7:22 p.m.: Jason Castro is up. He says he knew a few songs on the list, gives a terrible, bumbling interview, and does Bob Marley’s “I Shot the Sheriff.” I actually think his outfit looks good tonight. And he actually has some emotion in this performance, but overall it’s really nothing new. Randy says it was very karaoke; Paula gives him props for performing the audience, but wasn’t all that crazy about the song; Simon tells Jason to stand back and calls it “atrocious.” He’s right. Oh, Simon. I’m scared I’m become embittered and hardened. Like you.

7:27 p.m.: The Archuleta’s doing an anthem. (Surprise!) He dorkily interviews that he’s doing “Stand by Me.” IT starts out good. And he’s got jeans and a T-shirt on again. While I’d wear that every day if possible, I’m not trying to be the next “American Idol.” So branch out! Borrow that Panic! at the Disco jacket from David Cook! Do something interesting! David can do all these cool runs with his voice and pulls out all the stops, but the last one was just weird. But the boy can sing, I have to give him that. Randy says it was “hot;” Paula says he’s way beyond his years (don’t hit on him, Paula!); Simon says the Archuleta made a good song choice and struggled a bit at the end (didn’t I just say that?! I’m seriously scared). Wow, we’ve got to stop agreeing.

LIttle girls scream, Ryan tests out his terrible interviewing skills and we go to commercial.

7:36 p.m.: David Cook is up again. He says he was really excited about this week and says that he didn’t do all that well in his first song. He’s doing a song by the Who. Baba O’Riley. Wow. He looks all cute in his sparkly pinstripe jacket. And it starts slow and restrained. . . . and then he rocks it. Much better than the first song. It’s good, but not a performance I’d buy from iTunes. (I admit to buying “Always Be Your Baby” and “Eleanor Rigby.”) Randy says David seems a bit off tonight, but it was more David Cook-esque; Paula wants more (Mindy: You can’t have more, Paula); Simon says, “Welcome back, David Cook.” He liked it better, too. Me, too, Simon. Me, too.

7:44 p.m.: Syesha is ready to go. She’s doing “A Change Is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke. She holds the opening note for a bit too long. And I hate her dress. Definitely showing off her wares and it somehow makes her look big. And she looks mad in the close-ups. It’s OK, the big notes are nice, but weird. The ending was icky, even though she hit the notes. Randy says he didn’t love it as much as the first; Paula says she utilized everything(?) and calls her a superstar [Syesha bawls]; Simon agrees with Paula. See, Simon, we disagreed! I’m not becoming you!

7:50 p.m.: Jason is doing Bob Dylan’s “Tambourine Man.” Oh, crap. Don’t screw this up! It starts out OK. . . .but, oh, wow, this is not great. It’s weird. And the ending was high and really messed up. Randy asks Jason to rate himself (he says he lost some words); and I miss what Paula and Simon says because I was messing up favors for the women’s event on Thursday and Rachel was correcting me. 🙂 I can’t imagine that it was all that good, because, really, Jason, that wasn’t good.

7:57 p.m.: The Archuleta is doing “Love Me Tender,” which he wasn’t all that familiar with (!). Guess he didn’t grow up playing Elvis 45s on his Fisher Price record player like me and my brother. It starts out good. All the tweens scream for him, anyway. He’s definitely got a skill at doing ballads. It’s good, but really no one made me go crazy-go-nuts tonight, including this performance by David. Randy says it was good and compliments David A. for caressing each word; Paula felt his heart (she has his head on her rearview mirror and now his heart?!); Simon says, “You didn’t beat, you crushed the competition.”

But I don’t feel like anyone did that great. And with such a great selection of songs! Ah, relief. I’m not becoming an American, female version of Simon.

Synopsis: David Cook wasn’t completely on tonight, but did better the second time around; Syesha tried to impersonate Tina Turner and wasn’t wonderful and cried a lot; Jason was completely out of his element; and The Archuleta probably was the best tonight, but I’m still sort of non-plussed.

Bottom: Jason, for sure. And probably Syesha.

Going home: Jason? Surely.