American Idol: This one’s for the boys

So none of the girls thrilled my soul, but last night, the boys had a chance. Let me just say this as we get started: if the last two nights were the predictors of what this season was going to be like, it’s going to be long and uninspiring.

But anyway, let’s talk about last night. First, Ryan intros them one-by-one and I remember so few of them. Ryan awkwardly introduces the judges and while Randy lies about how the girls hit it out of the ballpark last night, I mourn that Ryan isn’t wearing his skinny tie tonight. And hit fastforward, until Mindy points out that I’m fastforwarding through Ellen, which she called “the best part.”

Ready?

1. Todrick Hall, 24, singing “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson. This guy is a born performer and he’s selling it from the beginning. He talk-sings for a long time and personally I think it took him too long to get to the part where he could show off his vocals—and then he didn’t deliver. It’s good, I guess, but not stellar and kind of boring to me. Ellen likes that he tried something different, but performed it well; Randy implies that he completely obliterated the song and made it unidentifiable; Kara agrees but lauds taking a risk; Simon calls him “a dancer trying to sing.” (Imagine that in Simon’s British accent. It’s more fun.)

2. Aaron Kelly, 16, singing “Here Comes Good-bye.” For the record, I don’t like Rascal Flatts, but I do love me a good story song. He’s OK, but nervous and I can tell. On the big notes, he doesn’t quite let go enough to actually get on the note. Overall, I thought it was lackluster. Simon liked it, but said Aaron didn’t seem confident; Kara says he did a great job; Randy talks about pipes and says other nice stuff; Ellen predicts he’ll be there a long time.

3. Jermaine Sellers, 27, singing “Get Here.” OK, I’ve never been a huge fan of this song and this song is OLD. Jermaine changes up the melodies in the beginning, which is a good idea if you can actually back it up with the vocals—and he didn’t. I’m also prone to say that doing slower songs in these first few weeks generally aren’t the best ideas. I’m going to be honest: I think he has talent, but parts of this hurt my ears. I just wanted him to hit the actual note. Mindy was watching with me and says she doesn’t know what to think. There’s was also a moment when I freaked out because he was wearing tails. Ellen complements his look and that it felt forced; Randy says it was a weird choice; Kara says runs should have a reason and a point (amen!); Simon calls it a cocktail bar song and that he oversang in the middle (preach it, Simon!).

4. Tim Urban, 20, singing “Apologize” by One Republic. First off, this guy has Zac Efron’s hair from “High School Musical”—and I hate it, but I predict the teen girls will! He’s also the dude that got the call after the guy with the contract got sent home from the top 24. I think Idol has overdone this song, but Tim starts out off well. His falsetto notes are a little scary and he sounds a little flat to me in certain places in the song. Mindy says he didn’t handle the chorus the right way and should have belted it out. In my opinion, this guy isn’t going to be a singer/performer. He doesn’t have “it,” whatever that is. Simon agrees, calling the vocals weak and that his voice wasn’t good enough; Kara says the music overpowered him; Randy says it was bad; Ellen says he’s adorable but the song was bad.

5. Joe Munoz, 20, singing “You and I Both” by Jason Mraz. First off, if I were advising Idol wannabes, I’d start with “don’t sing Jason Mraz.” Joe does a great job with this song, but it’s WAY too much like Mraz’s original. And because his enunciation isn’t stellar, some of the lyrics in the chorus got a little unintelligible. Vocally, though, it was one of the best performances so far tonight. Ellen liked it; Randy didn’t agree with the song choice; Kara says it was an unexpected choice; Simon “kind of” agrees, but says he didn’t have star power.

6. Tyler Grady, 20, singing “American Woman.” Seriously, this guy is like Jim Morrison, and he’s got the stance and stage mannerisms to go with it. I personally hate this song, but Tyler starts the song differently than I’ve ever heard, but when he gets to the familiar part, he gets a little screamy. Bad song choice; bad performance. The whole performance comes across as very fake to me, affected to fit with Tyler’s love of the 1970s and classic rock performers. Simon says people will remember the performance for the wrong reasons; Kara he’s got to get rid of the schtick; Randy calls it style over substance; Ellen says he goes through the motions of being a great performer without the charisma to back it up. And that, dear readers, is everything I was trying to say in a nutshell.

7. Lee Dewyze, 23, singing “Chasing Cars.” OK, I kind of like this guy. I think he’s moderately cute. But the beginning of this song is boring and just like the original. Then, he livens up the chorus and changes the melodic line, which is fine. . .if you hit the notes. And he missed quite a few of them. Sad. He’s wearing Chuck Taylors and everything. I wanted him to rock it so well. A Shawn Mullins’ song would have been so much fun for him to do. Ellen says it was a good song choice but got screamy; Randy didn’t like the song choice and wants him to sing Kings of Leon (an idea that excites me); Kara says he made in unidentifiable and should have done Bad Company (yes!); Simon calls it the best performance of the night.

8. John Park, 21, singing “God Bless the Child.” I’m leery of people doing jazz standards, and the first two lines were unintelligible to me because I don’t really listen to jazz. I mean, truly, this guy can sing and he has absolute control over his voice. But on a show like American Idol, it might be better to pick a song that more of the audience is going to recognize and love. But still, best vocals of the night. Performance-wise, a little boring and lacked emotion. Simon says the performance was flat and emotionless; Kara says there was no connection to the song (she also uses Simon’s favorite word, indulgent); Randy says a bunch of stuff that really added nothing to the conversation; Ellen says it was an old song and didn’t connect with the audience.

9. Mike Lynche, 26, singing “This Love.” This strikes me as a WEIRD choice and I didn’t like the way he began with the softy whispery voice (the male equivalent of the baby girl voice). I won’t deny that Mike can sing, but his style isn’t exactly what I like. But in comparison to everybody else tonight, he wasn’t flat. This song doesn’t really work if Adam Levine isn’t singing it, but it was a well-rounded performance. Ellen says it was good with a few pitch problems; Randy says “up in here” and a bunch of other crap; Kara says it was good, but not outrageously great; Simon says the performance was like the opener before the headliner. I think Simon is on to something there.

10. Alex Lambert, 19, singing “Wonderful World.” Alex sort of has a mullet going on; I’m not OK with that. I think he picked a good song for his voice and enjoy the vocals, but wow, he needs to work on performing. I feel like we’re watching a teen in the high school talent contest by the onstage antics. He seemed very nervous and uncomfortable. Simon agrees with me (ACK!) but says he has a good voice; Kara says he sounds like James Morrison and tries to spin being a sound-alike into a compliment; Randy says “I like you, man”; Ellen says he has potential.

11. Casey James, 27, singing “Heaven.” Casey sings his song to Kara. For reals. But there’s a joke in his eyes, and I like that he doesn’t take himself too seriously. And secondly, I just like him. This guy can totally sing and picked a wonderful song for his voice. The quaver in his voice is cool and makes him a little sexy. There’s a lot of stupidity going on with the judges while he performs, so props to him! Kara seems embarrassed and says a bunch of stuff; Ellen says it was great; Randy jokes around and complements Casey’s swagger and uses the phrase “not in that way;” Simon says it was a great song choice and an honest performance. And Casey, when you’re done with American Idol, you can come sit on my couch anytime. For real.

12. Andrew Garcia, 24, singing “Sugar, We’re Going Down.” I have like Andrew since he sang Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up” in the tryouts. Fall Out Boy is an interesting song choice and I think he performed it well, but it was a little lackluster. Simon says it was indulgent and wasn’t risky at all; Kara wants to see him take more risks; Randy says it was a strange arrangement; Ellen says she likes him, but he was too serious for most of the performance. Well put, judges.

Top performers for the night: Casey James (swoon)

Going home: Jermaine Sellers, Tim Urban wasn’t good, but the teen girls will vote for him, John Park was technically good but boring and the song didn’t connect with the audience, Alex might also be in trouble, too. Oh, my it’s just too hard to decide!