AI: The top 11, Billboard Top 100, and a questionable mentor

First off, a confession: I wrote down some notes as I was watching AI last night. . . and I left them at home. So, um, well, today’s review will be more about what I can actually remember. . . which might not be much!

Remember when AI had quality mentors? People who had made their names in music or the industry and absolutely without a doubt knew what they were talking about? Musicians? Singers? Andrew Lloyd Webber? Dolly Parton? Yeah, apparently those days are in the past, because the first mentor for season 9 was none other than pop princess Miley Cyrus. Miley Cyrus. Sure, she’s been in the business for a while, but really? A mentor? Does she have the history, vocal chops, and knowledge to do this? Sometimes, I’m not even sure she’s quite in tune when she sings and there’s something in the tone of her singing voice that grates on my nerves. But she kind of surprised me last night—between all the pep talks and “he/she’s great” advice—with some tips that were good.

Lee Dewyze sang “The Letter.” It was one of his better performances, I thought, since he actually had stage presence and worked it. The song choice was a little odd and maybe not quite current, but he worked it. The vocals were spot on and I really think he listens to the judges and applies what they say. Plus, I just like him. The judges said some stuff. . . about it being a strong performance, working the stage and setting the bar, but I think Simon may have questioned song choice.

Paige Miles sang Phil Collins “Against All Odds.” And she’s going against all odds if she doesn’t get kicked off tonight. It was bad, bad, bad, in my opinion. She wasn’t on the right notes half the time and very, very pitchy. It felt like she was hopping all around on the notes (oh let’s go high here, now low, now middle range, now low. . . ). It wasn’t good. At all. And the judges told her so, from Randy right down to Simon. Kara said that at some point she thought Paige had just stopped competing and I have to say I agree. She’s beautiful, but it was boring. And off key.

Tim Urban was next and sang “A Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” He seemed to have gotten the memo that the girls LOOVE him and acted every bit the teen heart throb. The vocals were good, especially since the singing portion hasn’t generally been Tim’s strong point. But the overall performance is kind of like a throwback to 1950s prettyboy crooners. Apparently, he even worked in some kind of Bruce Springsteen-at-the-Super-Bowl slide. I missed it, but Randy called it the “dopest thing” about the whole performance. Ellen and Kara compared him to Zach Efron in High School Musical and Hairspray, respectively, and didn’t mean it in a good way. Plus, I think they were right. It was a karaoke performance. The judges were a little mean, in my opinion, but Zach, I mean Tim, handled it well. Still, not really a good performance at all.

Aaron Kelly came next and gushed all about meeting Miley because he has a crush. Oh, good grief, I am old. He’s singing Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” He also has tonsillitis or something, so props to him. The vocals are a little off in some places and he misses all the opportunities to let go, wail on some notes, and astound us all with his vocal chops, which I do believe he has. But he doesn’t really do anything with the climactic moments in the song. Nice performance, not perfect, but he’s definitely safe. The judges just seem happy someone finally got up there and sang tonight.

Crystal Bowersox was up next and announces she’s singing Janis Joplin’s “Bobby McGee.” How surprising! (That is sarcasm.) I’ve been expecting Crystal to pull out some Janis at some point. It just fits, you know? First of all, I think Crystal has a better voice than Janis (my opinion) and I like the way she sings this song, especially when she gets to the la la la part that can get boring really fast. I know. I’ve seen people sing this song at karaoke. Miley had advised Crystal to let go and hit some higher notes and give the song a gospel feel, which I totally get. She’s the best performance so far and all the judges agree with me. Plus, she was wearing a dress tonight and it looked really good.

Andrew Garcia is next and sings Marvin Gaye’s “I Heard it Through the Grapevine.” My problem with Andrew is that he seems to have about two notes in his range and spends most of his performances alternating between them, with a few notes in between. He picks this song I most clearly associate with a raisin commercial from childhood and does really nothing with it. He just hits the same notes over and over and doesn’t change anything up, do anything vocally creative, or anything really. He looks nice and the look reminds me a little of Elvis Costello and he tries to work the stage, but really, it just doesn’t work. Kara tells him that he seems a little lost and doesn’t know what to do anymore. Simon mentions that maybe Andrew’s version of “Straight Up” in Hollywood week was overrated (you think?) and says Andrew may be in trouble. I have to agree. I want him to improve and impress me, but he’s had weeks and weeks since “Straight Up” and he hasn’t been able to take a song and make it his own.

Katie Stevens, the 30-year-old 17-year-old, was next. She and Miley chat it up and Miley’s basic advice is simply “be confident.” Katie sings Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry.” It’s nice she picked something from the last decade, but really, I’m not overly excited about it. She does have pitch problems and I’m not sure she hears that or knows how to fix it. She’s better on the melody, but to me it all feels forced and like she’s putting on a show. I’m not sure about her outfit, either. The judges seem happy she picked a younger song, and Kara says pop leaning toward R&B is Katie’s genre, a statement I completely disagree with. Because R&B this girl ain’t. She’s more adult contemporary music. Really. Simon seems to disagree with Kara and agree with me.

I may have skipped Michael Lynche and Didi Benami. He does “When A Man Loves a Woman” and she sings “You’re No Good.” Michael is technically fine, but he just doesn’t do it for me. I wouldn’t buy his record and there’s just something missing for me. The judges say his performance is fine, but not his best, which it isn’t. Didi is a different story. I think she sang “You’re No Good” as it might be performed in the musical Chicago or something. She’s all vixened up in black and plays the role well, but there are pitch problems and it’s not quite believable. She’s better when she’s doing the singer/songwriter/coffeehouse thing, which I think is more her comfort level. The judges skewer her.

Casey James is back and doing “Power of Love” by Huey Lewis and the News. I used to like Casey; now his hair even annoys me. Why? I have no idea. Technically, it’s a decent performance. No wow moments, no thrills, a pretty straightforward version of a well-known song. I liken Casey to a bar performer. I think he’d shine there, but I’m just not sure there’s anything more there. The judges like it, I guess. Kara did anyway. Others complained he basically took and old-fashioned song and did nothing with it except sing a carbon copy of the original. Word.

Siobahn Magnus ends the night and I have to say, with the exception of her hair, she looks great. I have never seen legs that skinny. She sings Stevie Wonder’s “Superstition” and it’s a good performance. Her vocals are on, but she does the screaming thing—again—and I sigh. I mean, is she going to do this every week? Is it a pattern now? Is this her way of making every song her own? Plus, I’m not sure the screaming was actually good this time because I’m not sure she actually hit the notes she was supposed to. All the judges love it, except Simon who agrees with me about the screaming and cautions Siobahn not to get into a pattern and to find a way to be creative and true to herself.

In my opinion, this year’s AI is just boring. There are a large majority of singers in the top 11 who are simply OK singers who’d shine in the bar or at karaoke, but they aren’t artists. No one is original, except Crystal and Siobahn.

Best of the night: Crystal and Siobahn

Going Home: Paige Miles or Andrew Garcia