Q&A

A coworker of mine recently spoke at a conference for preteen girls and asked them all to write down some questions they’d love to hear her answer about being/becoming a teenager. And she tackled some of them. But today, she shared the list with us, and it’s eye-opening what these girls are asking. They’re fixated on physical changes, relationships, and various other things (some make you laugh; others make you wonder if we’re completely failing this generation). Anyway, I couldn’t resist answering some of the questions on the list with my own brand of sarcasm. (I’m aware that I’m terrible!)

Here goes: Why do boys act so weird around girls? Guys act weird around girls because guys are weird. Seriously. We speak different languages sometimes. It’s best you learn this early on.

How do you get perfect hair? That’s actually a very interesting question. You will only achieve this feat one time in your life. Two times if you’re lucky. If you’re like most of us, you’ll never be able to recreate the exact washing, styling, and product process that helped create this look. Be sure to take a picture so you can tell your friends about the time your hair was perfect. It won’t stay that way long.

Do you always think the whole world hates you? Well, sometimes. And sometimes you’ll hate the whole world. Sometimes, you’ll be convinced God hates you. But understand this world is not your home. And, you know, scream in the privacy of your car.

Why do guys call girls fat? Are you sure they said fat? Not phat? Cause that’s actually sort of good. Guys are actually more visual than girls. So they may get a bit more caught up in physical appearance than you do. And sometimes they call perfectly healthy sized girls fat. And sometimes guys are just weird and a mystery. See the answer to the first question.

Are boys persistent, or are they just crazy? Really, have I not taught you any better? Boys are crazy! (But so are girls!) Appreciate the persistence now. When you get older, they’ll stop being so persistent, whine about how they have no one to date, yet never ask anyone out. They also have a “league system” they will try to explain to you at some point, but you won’t get it.

When do you get depressed? When you’re out of Cherry Coke Zero, when LOST isn’t on, when the Cardinals don’t have a good season, when your NCAA bracket falls all to pieces, when a friend of yours decides he doesn’t believe in God, when daylight savings time knocks it out of you, when a lot of your best friends get married and start having kids and you don’t even have a date, when you’re out of coffee, when the movie you just invested 2 hours of your life into isn’t very good, when your college hoops team is in a “rebuilding” year. Oh, you meant in general. . . .

What clothes make you look taller? When you figure that out, let me know. Being 5-foot-3 isn’t always fun. And in case you don’t get any taller, take my advice. Learn to hem. It’ll save you a lot of trouble later on!