#4. Language Lessons with Miss Mandy

That’s right, dear readers, it’s grammar time! (Which is something entirely different from Hammertime and does not involve unfortunate pants. If you don’t understand that, you’re probably too young. And I bite my thumb at thee. Which is from “Romeo and Juliet,” which I read in 9th grade. Yes, I’m rambling.)

Anyway, today, my children, we’ll be discussing that vs. who. Before you wrinkle up your noses and ask, What the crap do those two words have to do with one another? give me a chance. The that vs. who battle is one that is waged every day, and folks, grammar is losing. It’s up to you to make a difference. Here’s how:

Who is used to refer to people (and animals with names). That refers to objects, events, unnamed animals, and according to my sources, sometimes to large groups of people. So say you’re writing a sentence and you want to talk about the cute barista who made your latte or that ever-so-cute dog named Muffin who lives down the street, don’t used that. Too many of us fall victim to this evil tactic by which that is trying to take over the world. Instead of saying the barista that made my coffee or Muffin the Wonder Poodle that won’t eat from her bowl anymore, say the barista WHO made my coffee or Muffin the Wonder Poodle WHO won’t eat from her bowl anymore. Because they are people. Or in Muffin’s case, think they are people.

Sure, it’s OK if you’re continually confusing who and that in conversation. Talking is different than writing. Less permanent, although sometimes just as deadly. But when you’re writing, strive for perfection. Don’t settle for that when who is actually the word you need. Because the people of the world and animals with names demand it. And deserve it.

When in doubt, remember this: who refers to people. That refers to things. (I yell this while editing sometimes. I don’t think my coworkers appreciate my passion for this grammar truth.)

P.S. Big thanks to Mindy and Zora, who pointed me to this site. I’m particularly in love with the shirt that reads: talk grammar to me, baby.