This only happens to me.

The other day I was joking around with a friend of mine that I should just start writing down all the random things that happen to me and compile it into a book. To my surprise, she agreed.

I joke that the title could be “My Life: A Comedy of Errors.”

Because, guys, weird things happen to me. Like: • I spill coffee all over myself at a coffeehouse despite the cup having a lid. Of course, I start screaming “It’s burning my legs!” and fling coffee everywhere. • I’ve gone on a date (twice) and not known it was a date until somewhere in the middle. • I walk into cute little down home restaurants wearing amazing, awesome, cute AND very TALL shoes. . . and somehow slide across the floor on one foot. Which causes me to involuntarily make a little surprised scream noise. Which causes other patrons to stare. And when I’m standing safely instead of trying not to fall and notice the audience I’ve gained, I just say “Hey!” • I get flirted with but don’t realize it until much, much later. • I have conversations with grocery baggers about how he wants to get his own place so he can hang up all the Dark Knight posters he wants. • I fall a lot. In public. Like that time I tripped going into the choir loft on a Sunday morning. • Or there could be this morning, when the light over the shower in my bathroom wouldn’t work and neither would the outlet by the mirror. Which is where I dry my hair. So about 20 minutes before I needed to leave for work, I had to relocate the entire getting ready process to a different location. (The problem with the outlet involves the GFCI safety thing and it just wouldn’t reset this morning. I’m guessing it has to do with today’s bad weather.) • I’m the queen of awkward. Like when I try to have small talk with someone and after a few painful seconds of awkward silence, we mutually give up and move on.

Anyway, maybe I should start writing these things down. . .  at least I’d laugh at them!