I’m not who I was

Five years ago, on September 11, 2001, I was 22 years old. That morning, I was puttering around the house getting ready for class (my first semester at the Vanderbilt Divinity School). I hadn’t yet started a part-time job in the communications department. I was watching the news, taking a shower, talking to Muffin—basically wandering around and taking my time in getting ready. I didn’t have to be anywhere until 9 or 10 a.m. But when I stepped out of the shower, I knew something was wrong by the news coverage. A plane had crashed into one tower of the World Trade Center in New York; the Pentagon was on fire. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. I watched in horror as the news reports showed a second plane crashing into the WTC. That’s when I knew that my world had changed and it would never be the same again.

That night I went to a service at a local church for college students. They held it every Tuesday night, but it took on special significance on this Tuesday night when I was a shellshocked version of myself. That night we read Psalm 37, a psalm of assurance. It spoke to me that night and calmed me. When I pulled out my Bible this morning and began to read it again, I realized that we had apparently read only the first 11 verses. So I read it in its entirety and found it still speaks. . . even to the person I am today, five years after the 9/11 tragedy. I leave with this:

Psalm 37:1-8 Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently (I circled this word!) for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath (On 9/11, I wrote: Don’t let anger lead!); do not fret, it leads only to evil.

Psalm 37:18-19 The days of the blameless are known to the Lord, and their inheritance will endure forever. In times of disaster, they will not wither; in days of famine, they will enjoy plenty (Today I boldly underlined “not wither.”)

Psalm 37:25 I was young, and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteousness foresaken. (Today I wrote: God is with me always. He doesn’t forget His promises or forgo His righteousness.)

Psalm 37:30-31 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just. The law of his God is in his heart; his feet do not slip. (Does my mouth utter wisdom? Is the law of God apparent in my life?)

Psalm 37:34 Wait for the Lord and keep his way.

Psalm 37:37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright; there is a future for the man of peace. (God has a future for me!)

Psalm 37:39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; he is their stronghold in times of trouble. (My refuge, my strength, my rock!)