Exploring Forgiveness in Scripture

Biblical forgiveness is an intentional choice to let go of malice.

If we were listing out God’s characteristics, I think most of us would find “forgiving” somewhere on the list. In fact, in Exodus 34:6-7, it’s a characteristic God claims for himself. 

As believers, we know that it is because of God’s grace, mercy and forgiveness, made clear in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus, that we can be saved and live in daily relationship with our Creator. 

But, in our world, we throw around phrases like, “Forgive and forget” or think of forgiveness as excusing a wrong or something we can only truly offer when the one who wronged us apologizes or recognizes they were wrong. 

Yet when we explore what the Bible has to say about forgiveness, we learn it’s a little different than the world’s ideas. 

What is biblical forgiveness? 

In Scripture, forgiveness isn’t a feeling or emotion. It’s a decision, an intentional choice to stop holding a grudge against someone, to release someone from the debt he or she owes you. It isn’t based on that person recognizing they were wrong or issuing an apology, but rather rooted in the mercy God has shown you as his child. 

Scripture describes forgiveness as a quality that characterizes believers and a command for those who follow Christ (Eph. 4:32) and rooted in the way God has treated us and our sin against him (Ps. 103:12). 

What does biblical forgiveness look like? 

Biblical forgiveness is an intentional act to not hold a wrong against someone, to release your human desire for revenge and trust it to God. Yet, because this is an intentional act and choice, it’s one you may have to make more than once. If you’ve ever been deeply hurt or wronged by someone, you know that hurt doesn’t just disappear, and sometimes pops back up when you least expect it. Forgiveness is a choice you make again and again, sometimes even daily, against the offender. It’s not always a once-and-done situation, but a choice you choose moment-by-moment. 

Do you really have to forget to forgive? 

Biblical forgiveness is a release of malice and letting go of your desire for revenge, whether the person recognizes they wronged you or not. There are terrible wrongs we can choose to forgive in God’s strength and power — but forgetting them would be unwise. 

To pretend like abuse didn’t happen or to return to a relationship when the other person is in the deep throes of addiction without boundaries isn’t just unwise, it’s dangerous. You can choose not to hold someone’s sinful actions against them but also remember the damage his or her actions caused and take steps to safeguard yourself against those things happening again. Setting clear boundaries, like the example outlined in Matthew 18:15-17, may be necessary. 

Forgiveness isn’t pretending like something didn’t happen, condoning the sin or restoring immediate trust. It’s about trusting the wrong to God and letting go of its power over you. 

How do we live out biblical forgiveness? 

God is a relational God, and biblical forgiveness has goal of restoring broken relationships. When we wrong someone else, we create a rift in our relationship with them. Our sin against someone else brings so many things into the relationship — distrust, hurt, bitterness, fear — and you have to work through those things to rebuild a healthy, godly relationship. You can’t ignore them, wipe them away or act like none of it ever happened. 

But the goal of biblical forgiveness is reconciliation and healing, to bring relationships back to health and wholeness. Choosing to forgive a wrong — often again and again — is a part of that process, but rebuilding relationships takes time and effort by both parties. While reconciliation is the goal, it may not always be possible because it requires both the offended and the offender to work together toward restoring the relationship. 

Even so, we can choose to forgive rather than letting a terrible wrong have ultimate power in our lives. As the recipients of God’s forgiveness, we can choose to walk as children of light rather than darkness.