Dear David Freese, Mike Matheny, Jake Westbrook, and St. Louis Cardinals et al:

Why is it that any time I can actually watch a game—meaning it’s not blacked out on my incredibly useless sports package for Dish Network—that you lose?

(Also, if anyone can explain the MLB blackout rules to me in a way that I understand, I would appreciate it.)

Actually, this lose-when-Mandy-is-watching thing also extends to when I listen to games on XM radio in my office.

Basically, if I turn it on, the Cardinals lose.

Is it me?

Whatever the problem, it’s time to snap out of it. I need a win. At home. Against the Cubs. THIS AFTERNOON.

I’ll be listening.

Please don’t lose.